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138 Chuck Norris Dad Jokes that Will Make You See Who's The Guy

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138 Chuck Norris Dad Jokes that Will Make You See Who's The Guy

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Chuck Norris is not only recognized as a martial arts icon and action movie superstar, but he has also become an iconic source of amusement on the internet. Chuck Norris jokes are now known worldwide; they often portray him with superhuman capabilities in the form of lighthearted dad jokes. These "Chuck Norris facts" have made him one of the most memorable entertainment figures to date!

Note: These jokes are supposed to be fun and make you laugh. However, if you feel that some are intrusive or offends you, or others, in any way, don't hesitate to contact us. We will remove the jokes that doesn't bring joy to people's lives.

In search of a good chuckle? We've got you covered with our collection of 139 Chuck Norris dad jokes that will keep your sides splitting. From his martial arts references to clever quips about his movies, these gags are sure to bring smiles all around!

The legendary figure's star power has generated such an impact and inspired so many comedic puns — not only offering people the chance at some serious LOLs but also making it possible for them to honor this iconic celebrity in their own humorous way. In conclusion, Chuck Norris is equal parts entertaining and amusing!

Our joke collection features an eclectic mix of popular internet jokes, memes, and more that are sure to bring a smile even to the most stoic faces. Whether you're a Chuck Norris enthusiast or someone who simply appreciates tongue-in-cheek humor, our selection is guaranteed to amuse you! We have combed through countless websites as well as tapped into our own creativity for this project—we hope it brings joy right when you need it most.

We hope that you find this list entertaining and enjoyable. All in all, it is essential to remain open-minded and maintain a sense of humor, whether you're an enthusiast of Chuck Norris or not!

  1. How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them.
  2. Someone gave Chuck Norris the finger. He still has it.
  3. Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
  4. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  5. Who has more testicles? contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
  6. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
  7. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  8. Chuck Norris farted once. He did it in the Sahara forest.
  9. When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
  10. Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
  11. What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in? A roundhouse.
  12. Luke Skywalker uses the Force. The Force uses Chuck Norris.
  13. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  14. Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
  15. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
  16. Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.
  17. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  18. How does Chuck Norris go fishing? "You, you and you. Get out."
  19. Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
  20. Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
  21. TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
  22. In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.
  23. and God said," Let there be light!" Chuck Norris says" Say please"
  24. If Chuck Norris is running late, time slows down. It knows better.
  25. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
  26. Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  27. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
  28. Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
  29. The fences at the zoo are to keep the animals safe from Chuck Norris.
  30. Lightning never strikes twice in one place. Chuck Norris wont let it.
  31. Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
  32. The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
  33. Did you know that Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin? That he built.
  34. Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
  35. When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
  36. Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
  37. after chuck norris eats a large meal, he literaly burns of the caleries.
  38. Chuck Norris can squeeze blood from a stone. He must feed his children.
  39. Christians call it the Rapture. Chuck norris calls it cleaning his house.
  40. Man didn't invent the wheel It invented itself after seeing Chuck Norris.
  41. Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
  42. Martin Luther King may have had a dream, but Chuck Norris had a body count.
  43. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
  44. The wind of Chuck Norris's round house kick can be felt from 1600 miles away.
  45. Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
  46. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
  47. When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
  48. Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
  49. There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
  50. Chuck Norris opened the Ark of the Covenant and kept his eyes open. The Ark melted.
  51. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
  52. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  53. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
  54. The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
  55. The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
  56. Chuck Norris has only farted once. The last time that he did, the universe was created.
  57. Chuck Norris doesn't count his chicken before they hatch. He cracks them and eats them.
  58. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
  59. When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg.
  60. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  61. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
  62. The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
  63. The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
  64. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the jaw, it's decendents are known today as giraffes.
  65. Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
  66. Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.
  67. When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
  68. One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
  69. What is the irrational fear of Chuck Norris otherwise known as? A completely rational fear.
  70. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
  71. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  72. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  73. Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris? Depends on who wrote the script.
  74. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice! Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  75. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
  76. When Chris Angle levitated in front of Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris just laughed and flew away.
  77. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
  78. Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
  79. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
  80. How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before? He has claw marks on his forehead.
  81. Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  82. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
  83. Chuck Norris' feet accounted for more damage in 2005 than both the war in Iraq and Hurricane Katrina.
  84. For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  85. When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
  86. How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Norris? All of it.* *All of the wood.*
  87. How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Norris? *All of it.* *All of the wood.*
  88. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
  89. There is only one thing that could possibly stop Messi's unstoppable form Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick.
  90. Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".
  91. How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
  92. Chuck Norris Joke. Why does Mona Lisa smiling? The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.
  93. The day you introduce your mom to Chuck Norris, is the day you mom introduces you to your biological father.
  94. Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
  95. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
  96. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
  97. Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
  98. Chuck Norris Some people think the glass is half full. Some people think it is half empty. Chuck Norris sees scotch.
  99. Chuck Norris once went skydiving without a parachute, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
  100. Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
  101. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
  102. There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
  103. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  104. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
  105. Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
  106. Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
  107. Chuck Norris There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris. It was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
  108. Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
  109. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
  110. Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
  111. When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
  112. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  113. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
  114. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  115. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
  116. Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
  117. During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
  118. Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
  119. Chuck Norris joke: Alexander Bell invented the telephone. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
  120. At Toys "R" Us, Barbie and the Chuck Norris actions figures must be at least eight aisles apart by law. After all, it is a children's store.
  121. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
  122. Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
  123. Chuck Norris VS Superman Chuck Norris and Superman once agreed to a fight, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  124. How much wood can Chuck Norris if Chuck Norris could chuck wood? Chuck Norris would just stare at the wood, and it would chuck itself out of fear.
  125. What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke? My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
  126. When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
  127. They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
  128. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  129. How do you stop an F4 tornado from destroying a town? A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris! However, this method will cause more destruction than the tornado.
  130. Chuck Norris was kicked off the show "Extreme Couponing" the producers couldn't stand watching entire grocery chains file bankruptcy because of Chuck Norris.
  131. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
  132. The owl knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toostie-roll-pop. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a 5,000 pound boulder.
  133. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
  134. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
  135. If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
  136. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  137. For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed.
  138. Surprisingly, the only Street Fighter II move based on one of Chuck Norris' was Chun-Li's. Chuck Norris prefers to travel by performing four upside-down double-roundhouse kicks per second.
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