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173 Christmas Dad Jokes to Make a Smile to Your Face

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173 Christmas Dad Jokes to Make a Smile to Your Face

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Christmas is a season of joy and mirth, so why not bring a few smiles to your family's faces with some classic dad jokes? These pun-filled gems will delight you in the most hilarious way possible, but be prepared for some groans. Spread holiday cheer this Christmas by bringing out these timeless joke classics!

Note: These jokes are supposed to be fun and make you laugh. However, if you feel that some are intrusive or offends you, or others, in any way, don't hesitate to contact us. We will remove the jokes that doesn't bring joy to people's lives.

Filled with 176 Christmas jokes, this post will bring on laughs and smiles come the holiday season. From tree puns galore to reindeer comedy bits, we have it all. Whether your goal is a way to break through an awkward conversation at your holiday party or simply need something lighthearted for some much-needed fun - look no further! The Mayo Clinic says that laughter can reduce stress levels and increase immunity - so not only will you get a good laugh from these dad jokes, but may even be giving yourself some health benefits too!

We hope these jokes fill you and your loved ones with joy this holiday season. Go on, spread the cheer by sharing them! Have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

  1. What's Santas favorite band? Sleigher.
  2. what's Putin having for Christmas? Turkey.
  3. Where is the 'L' in christmas? There is noel.
  4. What did the dyslexic person worship? Santa.
  5. What did the hobo get for Christmas? Nothing.
  6. How many elves does a german santa have? Elf.
  7. What does Santa say when he is sick? OH OH NO!
  8. What did the cripple get for christmas? Wii Fit.
  9. What do electricians get for Christmas? Shorts!
  10. What can Santa give away and still keep? A cold.
  11. What do you call a sunburnt santa? Crisp Cringle.
  12. What did the bad rapper get for Christmas? J Coal.
  13. What does Santa call the elf police? The Po Po Po.
  14. What did the Buddhist get for Christmas? Presence.
  15. Who picks it up? Santa. The other two don't exist.
  16. What is Santa Claus' favorite metal band? Sleigher.
  17. Why is it so cold at Christmas? It's in Decembrrrrr.
  18. What do ISIS want for Christmas? Turkey, apparently.
  19. What's your dad getting for Christmas? Bald and fat.
  20. What did Anakin give to Padme for christmas? Sithilis.
  21. Why isn't Christmas spelled Christmals? Because Noel.
  22. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
  23. What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game? Mean-opoly.
  24. I go to the gym religiously Christmas, and maybe Easter.
  25. Santa isn't coming this year! Someone shot his Rudolph!
  26. Merry christmas and happy new year! - Internet explorer.
  27. What is the cow's holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas!
  28. What do you call a child afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic.
  29. How many chimney does Father Christmas go down? Stacks!
  30. What would santa be if he was a farmer? A jolly rancher.
  31. Before you send that mass "Merry Christmas!" text don't.
  32. Look, a reindeer. Santa, is that you? Nope. Chuck Testa.
  33. Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.
  34. What does a grumpy sheep say at Christmas? Baaaaaahumbug.
  35. Why did the Christmas tree get thrown in prison? Treeson.
  36. What's the most messed up trap for Santa? A Nicolas Cage.
  37. What does the nationalist sing at Christmas? Jingo Bells.
  38. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
  39. What's the KKK's favorite Christmas song? White Christmas.
  40. What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.
  41. Why can't there be a Santa Pig? Pigs don't fit in chimneys.
  42. What does Santa say when he goes fox hunting? Tally hohoho!
  43. What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
  44. How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
  45. What is robin going to get for Christmas? An oviposition set.
  46. I know what I'm getting for Christmas. Fat. I'm getting fat.
  47. What do Santa's little helpers learn in school? The Elfabet!
  48. What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ? Grave-y!
  49. My Christmas tree is on a timer It lights up everyday at 4:20
  50. What do you call one of Santa's helpers? A subordinate clause.
  51. You know youre getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
  52. What happened in China on Christmas? The Rice-child was born.
  53. What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause!
  54. What did the strawberry say on December 25th? Berry Christmas!
  55. Christmas is over, all of the guests have gone home. NO PANTS.
  56. What's a Mathematician's favourite Christmas pudding? Yule ln!
  57. Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents? Elephanta Claus!
  58. How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid.
  59. What are you doing? I said, "Wrapping your Christmas present!"
  60. If you hate someone on your Christmas list, buy them parakeets.
  61. Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!! Maby a cross-post to math is in order.
  62. How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas? he raps his presents.
  63. What did the horse say to Santa? Nothing, horses can not speak.
  64. What Christmas Carol do they sing in North Korea? We Three Kims.
  65. What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause.
  66. Why was Santa's little helper sad? Because he had low ELFesteem.
  67. What do Hispanic weeaboos say on Christmas? Feliz NYAHHHH-vidad.
  68. Santa accidentally ran over a man. The poor fellow was sleigh-n.
  69. What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas? A Wii fit.
  70. Nachos on Christmas Eve. We're celebrating the birth of cheeses!
  71. What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents? Slayer.
  72. If the Pope could smell my farts right now he'd cancel Christmas.
  73. Is Santa Clause real? Because the zero's on my bank statement are.
  74. What's the most popular wine at Christmas? "I don't like sprouts!"
  75. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
  76. How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ? Chick to chick!
  77. Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed!
  78. Never lie! Said Mommy to little Timmy and handed him over to Santa.
  79. Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas? He was knotty.
  80. What did the little girl's parents want for Christmas? A better son.
  81. Who is never hungry at Christmas ? The turkey - he's always stuffed!
  82. What different about an American Christmas from a Spanish one? Noel.
  83. Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
  84. Why did it rain on Christmas Eve? Because of Santa and his Raindeer.
  85. What does Santa and Hackers have in common? They both steal cookies
  86. Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking? Because it's on the house.
  87. How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.
  88. Happy Valentines Day. And Merry Christmas to FTD, Hallmark and Zales.
  89. It would be really convenient if Christmas decorations grew on trees.
  90. How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once? Santa isn't real.
  91. Why does Santa deliver all the presents Because it's for a good clause.
  92. I may be on Santa's naughty list but at least I had fun getting there.
  93. What does Santa Claus call his more thuggish elves? Gangsta wrappers!
  94. I can't believe it's Christmas eve eve eve and they're making me work.
  95. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
  96. Why can Saint Nicolas never be prosecuted? Because of the Santa Clause.
  97. Why do engineers mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31=DEC 25
  98. My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.
  99. What song do you sing if you're not a fan of Christmas? Sigh-lent night.
  100. My son wants a bb gun for Christmas I told him I'l give it my best shot.
  101. It's 364 days until christmas. And people already have their lights up!
  102. What did the turkey eat for Christmas? Nothing, it was already stuffed!
  103. What game do M Night Shymalan's family play at Christmas? Secret Satan.
  104. I've just received my 14th Christmas card from the Alzheimer's Society.
  105. Justin Bieber only pretends to retire on Twitter, worst Christmas ever.
  106. Christmas song for people with synesthesia: do you see what I heeeaarrr.
  107. It was Christmastime, and everybody was feeling Merry. So she went home.
  108. I got a sweater for Christmas. Wish I'd gotten a screamer or a squirter.
  109. I imagine Christmas morning at the Schrodinger house is quite stressful.
  110. What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? Coincidence on 34th Street.
  111. A football supporter's favourite Christmas song? 'Yule never walk alone'
  112. If I get kidnapped, I'll sing Christmas songs until they hang themselves.
  113. Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids? Because it'd Krampus style.
  114. Why is the dyslexic afraid of Christmas? Because that's when Satan comes.
  115. Who does Santa think he is, judging me? I might be naughty, but he's fat.
  116. Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled? Because he's a bad wrapper.
  117. What do you call children who are afraid of Santa ? They are Clausaphobic.
  118. What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed-deer!
  119. My mom asks if I could help her bake bread this Christmas. She kneads me.
  120. Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU? Because there is no Turkey.
  121. Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph.
  122. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!
  123. What's a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song? Do You Hear what I Hear?
  124. What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song? Oh comb all ye faithful'
  125. I got the most classic, timeless Christmas present this year A broken watch.
  126. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.
  127. What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs? Michael google.
  128. I like my children how I like my Christmas decorations Only on the holidays.
  129. What do you get Devin Hester for Christmas?? Nothing - he'll just return it!
  130. What's the difference between Santa and Justin Beiber? Santa stops at 3 Ho's.
  131. What did Adam say to Eve on the day before Christmas? "It's Christmas, Eve."
  132. The Jedi know what we're getting for Christmas They have sensed our presents.
  133. Knock Knock Who's there! Census! Census who? Census presents for Christmas!
  134. Q. What do Robin Williams and Joan Rivers want for Christmas? A. Betty White.
  135. I hope I get a watch for Christmas! Because there's no present like the time.
  136. I just want to be rich enough to stop giving people toilet paper for Christmas.
  137. Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
  138. Why do dyslexic children get nothing for Christmas? They are writing to Satan.
  139. What's the difference between Santa Claus and a bassist? Santa Claus has gifts.
  140. How did Darth Vadar know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presence.
  141. All-day Christmas music at work, day 4: Just Googled "Candy cane prison shank"
  142. I think my Christmas Tree is a male. It keeps bragging about its "trunk size."
  143. Mum Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else!
  145. Someone hugged me at the office Christmas party and now they know my safe word.
  146. My estranged father bought me a telescope for Christmas We're a lot closer now.
  147. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!
  148. What do you get Devin Hester for Christmas?? A: Nothing - he'll just return it!
  149. Boy am I stuffed! I finally finished eating the bag of salt I got for Christmas.
  150. From a Christmas Cracker: What did the puppy say when it sat on sandpaper? Ruff.
  151. What's the difference between me and Santa? Santa only comes down your chimney.
  152. Why did the Cephalopod get coal for christmas? Because he was on the nautilust.
  153. What's the best gift you can buy at Christmas? A broken drum, you can't beat it.
  154. Anyone know a Minecraft interpreter? I don't understand my son's Christmas list.
  155. How did Darth Vader know what Leah got Luke for Christmas? He felt his presents.
  156. What did one Christmas ornament say to the other Christmas ornament? Let's hang.
  157. Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ? He had no body to go with!
  158. Christopher Walken should make a Christmas album called "In a Winter Wonderland"
  159. All I got for Christmas was a sweater, I would've preferred a moaner or a biter.
  160. What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop? WRAP MUSIC!
  161. How did the Santa Lawn Ornament feel the day after Christmas? He was de-lighted.
  162. How did Darth Vader know what Luke would get for Christmas? He felt his presents.
  163. What body regulates the welfare of Santa's workers? The Elf and Saftey Executive.
  164. What's fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skates!
  165. How does Santa make new baby reindeer? In vitro, in Prancer, in Dancer, in Vixen.
  166. What do you call some who is afraid of Santa? Clausetrophobic. I'm here all week.
  167. What is Soulja Boy's favorite type of Christmas song?? YUUUUUUUUUULLLEEE!!!!!!!!!
  168. All I got for Christmas was a pack of sticky cards. It was difficult to deal with.
  169. For Christmas this year I'm going to pay my bills and look at pictures of Europe and cry.
  170. I'm not a good cook. At Christmas my family got together and bought me a stove that flushes.
  171. The only reason kids like Christmas is because they're not the ones buying all the presents.
  172. I think I ate too much salmon over Christmas I just tried to run up an escalator that was going down.
  173. What's the difference between the standard alphabet and Christmas alphabet? There's Noel.
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