200 Winter Dad Jokes So Cold that Your Smile Will Freeze

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1. What do you call an old snowman? Water.
2. What is jon snow's favourite slang? IDK.
3. Why was the snow yellow? Elsa let it go!
4. What di you call a snowman in may? A puddle!
5. How do you scare a snowman? You get a hairdryer!
6. Where does Santa stash his money? In a snowbank.
7. What do Snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren.
8. What did the 0 say to the 8? Let's make a snowman!
9. What's red and has 7 bruises? Snow White's cherry.
10. What literary genre is Frozen? Bildungsnowman. (OC)
11. What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle"
12. What do you say when it's snowing? Winter is coming.
13. What kind of bug can survive all winter? A bahumbug!
14. How do sheep keep warm in winter ? Central bleating!
15. Why does the NSA hate the winter? They got snowed in.
16. What's the opposite of a somersault? A winter pepper.
17. What is a snowman's favorite kind of carpet? BRRR BRRR.
18. Where do snowmen put their webpages? On the winternet.
19. Why did Jon Snow go to The Apple Store? For the Watch.
20. Where does a polar bear keep his money? In a snow bank.
21. What do you call a blad man with dandruff? A Snowglobe!
22. The fifth season will start in a few days Nuclear Winter.
23. Who doesn't like to sit in front of the fire? A Snowman.
24. What did Jack Frost say at his climax? Winter is coming"
25. Why isn't Edward leaving Russia? because he's snowed in.
26. How is snow white? Pretty good according to the 7 dwarfs.
27. Do you wanna build a snowman? Come on, let's go and play!
28. What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen prefer ? I.C.!
29. Why didn't the NSA agent cross the road? He was snowed in.
30. Monster: Where do fleas go in winter? Werewolf: Search me!
31. What's a Jamaican snowman's favorite song? Snowoman no cry.
32. Why isn't Edward leaving Russia? ...because he's snowed in.
33. What did one snowman say to the other? Smells like carrots.
34. How can you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints.
35. Why do Indians hate snow? It's white and it's on their land.
36. Why was the snowman's dog called Frost? Because Frost bites.
37. What happens when you mix a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
38. What do you call a terrorist-run snowball stand? Italian ISIS.
39. Where is potatoes? This winter is very cold. Family is starve.
40. Why was Justin Biber in Frozen? Cuz aparently he likes "snow".
41. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost ? Because frost bites!
42. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall But his winter wasn't so hot...
43. Who's got the tightest bod in the North Pole? Abdominal Snowman.
44. why do indians hate snow? because it is white and on their land.
45. Why didn't Jon Snow skateboard? He couldn't get passed the Olly.
46. Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a snowman. Doctor: Keep cool!
47. Why do some birds fly south for the winter? Its to far to walk.
48. Why don't women like to wear dresses in the winter? Chapped lips.
49. What political party does Jon Snow belong to? The Know-Nothings!
50. Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter? They get chapped lips.
51. What stopped winter from coming? Winterfell and it can't get up.
52. Nothing says "I'm unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
53. Why don't Indians like snow? Because it's white and on their land.
54. Why did Jon snow stand in line at the Apple store? For the watch!
55. Why does the U.S. Government hate winter? Because everything isis.
56. Why do indigenous people hate snow? It's white and on their land.
57. How does water stay warm during the winter? It wears an aqua-fur.
58. Theory: The Winter Olympics were invented by the cowbell industry.
59. Knock, Knock! Knock, knock! Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snowbody!
60. What do pirates do with their treasure in the winter? They BURy it.
61. Why is Snow White? Because it's perfect, just the way God made it.
62. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
63. Why do birds fly south for the winter? because its too far to walk!
64. Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk.
65. Why did Jon Snow wait in line at the Apple store ? For the watch .
66. How do you keep water warn in the winter? Have it wear an aqua-fur.
67. What do girls and snowflakes have in common? They can't drive cars.
68. Why don't women wear skirts during winter? They'll get chapped lips!
69. What did the snowman say when he got coal for Christmas? I can see!"
70. What did one Snowman say to the other Snowman? Can you smell carrot?
71. How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow thrower? Give her a shovel.
72. Why can't you trust a snowman? Because they're all a bunch of flakes.
73. What do you call a business man that blocks snow? A cold wall banker.
74. What would you get if you crossed a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
75. A Christmas joke for you: Where do snowmen go to dance? The snowball!
76. Where does a snowman put his birthday candles? On his birthday flake!
77. A snowman and a snow-woman had a child... ...it had its mother's ice.
78. What did the snowman say to the other snowman? "Do you smell carrot?"
79. Why does the Indian chief hate snow? It's White and all over his land.
80. What stopped winter for coming? Cuz Winterfell and it can't get up! :P.
81. Canadian Army training is 6 weeks of learning how to throw a snowball.
82. What would you get if you crossed a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite !
83. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? "Do you smell a carrot?"
84. What do you call a skeleton that been in the snow all night A numbscull.
85. Why don't Natives like snow? Because it's white, and it's on their land.
86. What is it called when a chemist has a really great winter break? Litmus.
87. Rock around the winter clock One, two, three o' clock, two o' clock rock!
88. What did the snowman order at MacDonalds ? Icerbergers with chilli sauce!
89. Why can't women ski? there's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.
90. Why do Canadians say aboot? Because there is too much snow to wear shoes.
91. Why couldn't anyone trust the snowman to do anything? He was kinda flakey.
92. What was the last thing the snowboarder ever said? Hey guys, watch this!"
93. What happens when you cross a snowman and a vampire? You get a frostbite.
94. What was the last thing the snowboarder ever said? "Hey guys, watch this!"
95. Snowman in the summer What do you call a snowman in the summer? "A puddle"
96. Why did the snowman leave his wife? Because she got plowed by another man.
97. What do you call a party with 7 girls & 70 midgets? 10 books of Snow Whites.
98. Why did the snowman get fired from his job? He was a snow call, snow show.
99. What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow.
100. Why don't girls where skirts in the winter? So they don't get chapped lips.
101. Why shouldn't you ask Jon Snow what time it is? Because his watch has ended.
102. I'm at an age where I don't spring into action. I dead of winter into action.
103. Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter? Because they dress in lairs.
104. What's an ig? A snow house with no dumper. I'm so sorry. Deleting my account.
105. What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit? Looks like we're snowed in.
106. Why doesn't that NSA informant just come back to USA? Because he's snowed in.
107. How do you call playing games while it snows heavily? Blizzard Entertainment.
108. What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
109. What do you call a little Lannister when winter finally comes? Peter Shrinklage.
110. Winters, when your handwriting turns out the same no matter which hand you use.
111. I have seasonal depression I'm depressed in the spring, summer, fall and winter.
112. The east coast is experiencing a "Snowpocalypse" or as Canada calls it "Monday"
113. Why don't native Americans like snow? We don't like anything white on our land.
114. Why was Jon Snow looking for an iWatch charger? Because now his watch has ended.
115. What does a snowman say to his son on his birthday?(dad joke) Happy Brr-day son!
116. Why do so many white people get lost skiing? It's hard to find them in the snow.
117. Christopher Walken should make a Christmas album called "In a Winter Wonderland"
118. What do you call a hacker who stays home when it snows outside? Edward Snowed-in!
119. What do Glenn Rhee, Jon Snow, and the Terminator have in common? They'll be back.
120. Why don't native Americans like snow? Because it's white and all over their land.
121. Why did the Native American curse the snow? Because it was white and on his land!
122. Why was the young snowflake so upset? Because he just watched his mom get plowed.
123. Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter time? Cuz they'll get chapped lips. Brr.
124. Friends are like snowflakes, they gang up on you and tell you you're an alcoholic.
125. Trapped on a train in the snow, and honestly, none of these people look appetizing.
126. Minnesota has 4 seasons Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.
127. What did the sun say after melting Frosty the Snowman? I came, I thaw, I conquered .
128. What do you call a bunch of skinny people stretching in the snow? Low-fat frozen yoga.
129. Why do terrorists in Antarctica love being interrogated? Snow boarding is fun as hell.
130. A miracle birth, then resurrection. Accept Frosty the Snowman as your personal savior.
131. When is it too cold to build a snowman? When the frostbite is worse then the frostbark.
132. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Have an ice day. It's a bad one, I know.
133. What is the difference between a vacuum and a snowboarder? How you strap on the dirtbag.
134. Did you hear about Jon Snow dropping his new Apple product? And now his watch has ended.
135. Two blondes went to a drive-in movie. What movie did they go to see? "Closed for Winter".
136. What did Snow White say when she dropped off her film? A: "Some day my prints will come."
137. Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
138. Why did the hipster complain about winter in July? He wanted to do it before it was cool.
139. “I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”
140. Christmas decorating 101 - Puts fake snow on Halloween decorations Your move Martha Stewart.
141. What is worse than a carrot that smells like a snow women? One that smells like a snow man.
142. Why couldn't the American fly home from Russia after the Olympics? Because he was Snow'den.
143. What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop? Now is the winter of our discount tents.
144. What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Some day my prints will come!
145. People who aren't entombed in 8 feet of snow, what's it like to live in a tropical paradise?
146. People are like snowflakes. When they pile up on my car windshield, it's difficult to drive.
147. How do you know when your BBQ is ready in Canada in April? The snow on top of it has melted.
148. What did the Abominable Snowman do after he had had his teeth pulled out? He ate the dentist.
149. What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They're both brown except the snowball.
150. British seasons: Spring: Two months Summer: Eight minutes Autumn: Three weeks Winter: Seven years.
151. Fact: 98% of Jeep owners are guys named Jake, who wear shorts in the winter, and work at Starbucks.
152. Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost? He got lost in the maize.
153. I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it's cold" could you tell me more about that.
154. Why does it take longer to make a snow woman than a Snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.
155. What would happen if you were to cross two snowmen with three vampires? You would get severe frostbite.
156. I went camping in the snow. As the snow melted, water leaked in. It was the winter of my discount tent.
157. Now that Fall is here, do you think all the teenage girls with duck-faces will fly South for the winter?
158. I have to be honest, before the Winter Olympics I just thought Canada was a place Michael Moore made up.
159. I made the kids put sunglasses on the snowman so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with the neighbors.
160. Why do you call the US government when a blizzard of secret information gets released? They're snowed-en!
161. Back in my day we didn't have leaderboards or RTs. We just tweeted for fun. Uphill both ways. In the snow.
162. The worst part about winter is how the ground is hard and crunchy and it makes me constantly crave nachos.
163. I wish I had taught my dog the command "Taylor Swift" so every time it snowed he would just "Shake It Off."
164. How do you stay warm outside in the winter? You just stand in a corner, they are usually around 90 degrees.
165. Just saw a license plate that said "LUV SLUG." I hope it shrivels up when they salt the roads in the winter.
166. The snow in the front yard is melting and so far I've found 3 unopened beers. *Adds party planner to resume*
167. Give a man a jacket And he'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket and he'll never leave the house.
168. How is a woman who got her winter coat at Target similar to an officer on leave? They both got their fur low.
169. I know weathermen get excited about snow, but it's kind of distracting when they jerk off during the forecast.
170. What's the difference between a slaves and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put a chain around them.
171. Why did the Seven Dwarves fire Snow White as their Foreman at the mine? They thought she was micromanaging them!
172. What did the Italian bigfoot say when someone yelled, "Hey Abominable Snowman, are you ready to go?" "Not-a-Yeti"
173. Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"
174. What does a corpse and snow have in common? They are both cold and are hilarious to throw at unsuspecting children.
175. Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.
176. Watching Grey's Anatomy teaches me that if I'm really sad, I should walk slowly down a corridor to a Snow Patrol track.
177. Telling our kids we were born before the Internet is going to be the new 'I walked to school in the snow without shoes'
178. It's perfectly fine to offer raisins to a guest (if nuclear winter is upon us & you're living in an underground bunker)
179. I bought a winter jacket at Urban Outfitters last August I got a really good deal because I bought it before it was cool.
180. Waiter Waiter there's a fly in my ice-cream! Gee I did not know that they had started winter sports so early in the year!
181. It's the time of year when we are forced to confront America's greatest tragedy: men wearing winter scarves way too early.
182. Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it's now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong.
183. Culturally no one in alaska dates in the winter. When asked why, one alaskan replied, "We try, but its hard to break the ice."
184. New users will never know about the old Twitter. I'll tell them stories of it, and how I walked uphill both ways. In the snow.
185. Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman? It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)
186. What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit? What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit? Looks like we're snowed in.
187. Tonight I saw a truck spin out in a snowy McDonalds parking lot, and honestly it was doing a much better job of being president.
188. The Pope quit. Meteor in Russia. Snowing in Arizona. Star Wars and Star Trek have the same director. Who the hell is playing Jumanji?
189. When I was kid, and we'd go sledding on a cold snowy day, Ya know how often I had to rub my hands together to stay warm? Intermittenly.
190. Do you ever just stop and think about how snowmen standing out in the snow is like humans standing outside while it rains bits of flesh.
191. Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage Elves: no! Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light.
192. Jeopardy is petty. If you asked someone "What is snow?" No one would say: It's doubtful an Eskimo would have Chionophobia, a fear of this.
193. If you're a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money.
194. A survey says parents spend $1k on their children's electronics yearly. When WE were young we walked 5 miles uphill in the snow w/ NO APPS!
195. If your kid complains about how bored they are during winter break put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super bored!" and then fly away.
196. The janitor squints at the unfinished equation, picks up the chalk and scrawls methodically. Soon all the eights have top-hats like snowmen.
197. the series finale of Game of Thrones will be the camera pulling back & revealing it was a snowglobe and the owner is watching sports instead.
198. St. Bernards are dogs living in the Swiss Alps who search for lost travellers, skiers and mountaineers. That's how they survive the winters.
199. Mom: *tastefully decorates house* Kid: HERE ARE 20 MILK CARTONS I TAPED TOGETHER TO MAKE A SNOWMAN I EXPECT THIS TO BE PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED.
200. The UK is horrified by even the slightest glaze of snowy weather. I ordered a bowl of Frosted Flakes this morning and they closed the roads.